Kunoichi Boot Camp
by To Mockingbird
Summary: The rookie kunoichi of Konoha are pathetically weak. That is, until Anko gets her hands on them...


**Week Zero: Ha Ha! You're Dead.**

* * *

"The girls need a wake-up call." Asuma took a long drag on his cigarette and exhaled smoke.

"We all do," murmured Kurenai.

Kakashi nodded slightly, still looking worn and a bit bruised from his C-rank turned A-rank in Wave Country. "We've grown soft. Peacetime isn't an excuse."

"YOSH!" Gai's teeth gleamed as he beamed. "We must encourage the Blossoms of Youth and ourselves!" He dramatically stood up, shaking the table and nearly knocking over the sake.

"What do you recommend?" The genjutsu-mistress raised a graceful eyebrow as she righted the bottle, not even blinking at Gai's antics.

The jonin grew silent as they contemplated their options. Each team had a different problem—each _genin_ had a different problem. It wasn't entirely their fault, but it couldn't be allowed to continue.

"What the hell happened to the kunoichi program in the Academy?" said Kurenai suddenly with exasperation. The others looked at her, startled. "When did _flower-arranging _become a priority over actual training?"

"Pressure from the—" Asuma began.

Kurenai rolled her eyes. "Don't blame the civilians. I'm sure they played a part in the relaxed standards, but it isn't entirely their fault. The instructors should have known better. We are a _ninja_ village, right?"

The two began to bicker, debating over whose fault it was.

"We could ask Anko," interrupted Kakashi. He closed his book and tucked it into his vest.

Everyone stopped and stared at the jounin.

"What?" Kurenai tilted her head slightly.

"Ask her to help," he clarified. His eye crinkled. "You know, help train the genin."

"What the hell? Are you _crazy?_" Asuma blinked rapidly. "Did you drink too much sake or something?"

"I think it's an excellent idea," said Kurenai.

"Yeah, it's a terrible—" Asuma paused. Cigarette smoke swirled around him, making him seem like a particularly befuddled dragon. "What? You _agree _with him?"

Gai nodded thoughtfully. "Anko is very Youthful," mused the green jounin. "Tenten could learn from her experience!"

"Sure, it might cost us a few favors, but our teams are worth it." The Copy Nin looked rather pleased with himself.

"Then it's settled." Kurenai smiled. "We'll ask Anko to help our girls."

"Indeed!" boomed Gai.

Asuma sighed heavily. "Am I the only one who thinks this is a bad idea?" He ground his cigarette into the ash-tray, extinguishing the bright embers. "I really hope I don't end up regretting this…"

* * *

Anko grinned as she chewed on her stick of dango. Life was pretty good. Several jounin now owed her, and she had several months' supply of dango to boot. All _she_ had to do was turn their baby bitches into big bitches. It couldn't be too hard—a kunai here, a pep talk there, and voila! Scaring… er, training the girls would be good practice for chuunin exams, too. It was her first time being a proctor, and a little more experience with the brats couldn't hurt.

She paused outside the room. Then, with sadistic glee, Anko kicked down the door. Cackling like a madwoman, she threw copious amounts of snakes and senbon at the girls. (Ah, snakes and senbon, two of her favorite things. Both were second only to dango.) It was nothing too lethal, of course. She meant to scare them, not kill them. Her smile grew wider as she heard the kiddies shriek in surprise.

Her amusement rapidly faded when she saw the four "kunoichi" she was supposed to help. What the hell? The pink one had fallen on her ass, the blonde one was screaming about the snakes, and the Hyuuga princess looked ready to faint. Buns had drawn a kunai, at least, but she hadn't done anything yet. Throw the damn knife already!

"What a fucking disappointment," sighed Anko. "Are you four actually ninja?"

The blonde bristled. "Who are you? What are you—"

Anko pinned the genin to the wall and pressed the kunai to her throat. "Who said you could talk, maggot?" She increased the force behind the blade, causing a drop of blood to slide down the shivering girl's neck. "But to answer your question, my name is Anko." Anko smirked when noticed the Yamanaka and Hyuuga blanch when she announced her name. "Yes. _That_ Anko."

She pushed the blonde to the floor, ignoring the girl's cry of pain when she landed awkwardly. Anko slowly walked to the center of the room. She clasped her hands behind her back and glared, leaking a substantial amount of killing intent.

"Listen up, worms. You were sent here to learn how a _real_ kunoichi looks like. How a real _bitch_ looks like." Anko sneered, disgust scrawled across her face. These insects didn't deserve either title—they weren't even _close. _"And until I'm satisfied with your progress, you belong to me. Understood?"

Fear and distrust prevented the girls from responding.

"_Understood?_" hissed Anko.

"Y-yes ma'am!" chorused the girls weakly.

"Good," she purred. "As long as you remember that, we'll get along just fine.

* * *

**AN:** This is the snippet of an idea I've been mulling over. Yes. Anko-trained kunoichi. Because why not? I'm just putting it out there. Feel free to continue it if you want. But please give me a shout-out.


End file.
